Creative Nonfiction Essay
Our professor asked us to blog about the past month of our life. The Creative Nonfiction Essay is a
One-Month Memoir of one event out of my blog posts.
Here are drafts of my creative nonfiction Essay:
Alicia Wetling
ENG 100 12:10pm
Assignment #1: Creative Nonfiction Essay
Draft #1
One-Month Memoir of one event out of my blog posts.
Here are drafts of my creative nonfiction Essay:
Alicia Wetling
ENG 100 12:10pm
Assignment #1: Creative Nonfiction Essay
Draft #1
The bird’s twerp outside, the light beams through the tiniest crack beneath the blinds. I lay there, wrestling my thoughts "it can't be morning already" "just go back to bed." My body feels like a bag of bricks, I don't want to move. My daughter lying next to me pops up, my mind screams NO! Please go back to bed! Bribing her to stay just a while longer, I hand her my phone. Caillou is faintly playing just enough for her to hear. Turning over I grab my blankets cuddling them into my chest. I know I can’t fall back into a deep sleep, which makes it that much easier.
Almost two years ago I gave birth to my amazing daughter, Mya. Three weeks after I got a phone call that changed me forever. Her father Nick had committed suicide. I felt so alone, yet everyone was around me. I thought "why me?" "why us?" "why did this happen?" As suicide comes with many unanswered questions. It was the lowest I have ever felt. But I still got by and supported my daughter the best I could. It wasn't until a year later I was diagnosed with bipolar and depression.
Mya climbs over me sliding off the bed. She goes over to my plastic drawers, where I keep all my nail polish. She takes them all out and starts playing. I know that she will be busy for at least ten minutes, so I close my eyes on last time. What feels like one second later, she starts banging on the door. I jump up and hurry to the bathroom. I splash water on my face and then grab her and go down stairs. I make her cereal and set her up at the T.V. With no motivation I lay down on the couch, just wanting to go back to bed. Wondering how yesterday I got up with so much energy.
I was with Nick for four years when he had passed away. We had both suffered a drug addiction at a young age. I was put away into a group home for eight months were I had then gotten clean. A lady Alice from around my old neighborhood took me in as a foster child. I started to see Nick as soon I could. He had been in several rehabs by then, and wasn't doing so good. But even then I stood by his side cause I thought that is what he would've done for me.
The sun coming into the living room windows getting brighter by the minute. Brewing coffee fills the house, the dog pawing at my leg to go have her morning pee. I let her and I fix my coffee. Sitting at the end of the couch sipping my straw. I stare at Mickey Mouse on the TV screen. In my head, I think about our day and how I have my Nephews party. Ugh I cringe at the idea of being around a whole bunch of people. I am not a happy person and it shows. I hate putting a front on but I have to. I snap back to reality, Mya is done eating we go upstairs to get ready.
When I turned eighteen I got out of CYS custody immediately. Shortly after I found out I was pregnant. I wasn't too thrilled but my family is Catholic so I did what I needed to. I choose to keep the baby, which I thank god every day for. I thought that being pregnant and on top of Nick that it would help his sobriety. Here and there I would notice that he had slipped up. This went on for my whole pregnancy. He even came back to the hospital high after I had given birth to our daughter. So we weren't seeing eye to eye for a while.
Mya and I sat down stairs, waiting for Nicole to text and tell us she was on her way. When she did she said "I’ll be there in two minutes" rushing around like a chicken without a head trying to gather last minute things. Almost tripping trying to put my shoes on, I grab Mya's jacket, scarf, and hat throw them on and rush out the door. At this point since our one way street is so busy Nicole had three cars behind her. She pulls off and has to go around the corner. I scoop Mya up to keep her warm, holding my purse, diaper bag, and the gifts. I shiver, I can see my breath in front of me. Nicole stops in front of us. I buckle Mya in and jump in the car. "FUCK its cold" I turn the heat up.
When I had Mya, Nick wasn't a very good dad and I began to question if I had made the right choice. I nursed so I spent most of time with the Mya. While he chose to run around, doing whatever. As much love I had for him and for so long I knew that this was not going to work. The six last days of his life, he tried to take Mya from me, cursed out my family, and was high as a kite. I felt sick to my stomach in his presents. The night he committed suicide I told him I was done and he couldn't see his daughter until he got clean, I do not hold that against myself I did what I had to for my daughter’s safety.
We pulled up at the party and I felt the butterflies in my stomach, I wore my daily smile and greeted with people as we walked in the door. I had to do this because I was tired of being selfish, tired of taking away from Mya's life because of my problems. I put my front on and acted like nothing was wrong with me, like I have this wonder like and I am so happy. While saying to myself "look at you" "you don't belong here, you're a miserable bitch"
Almost two years ago I gave birth to my amazing daughter, Mya. Three weeks after I got a phone call that changed me forever. Her father Nick had committed suicide. I felt so alone, yet everyone was around me. I thought "why me?" "why us?" "why did this happen?" As suicide comes with many unanswered questions. It was the lowest I have ever felt. But I still got by and supported my daughter the best I could. It wasn't until a year later I was diagnosed with bipolar and depression.
Mya climbs over me sliding off the bed. She goes over to my plastic drawers, where I keep all my nail polish. She takes them all out and starts playing. I know that she will be busy for at least ten minutes, so I close my eyes on last time. What feels like one second later, she starts banging on the door. I jump up and hurry to the bathroom. I splash water on my face and then grab her and go down stairs. I make her cereal and set her up at the T.V. With no motivation I lay down on the couch, just wanting to go back to bed. Wondering how yesterday I got up with so much energy.
I was with Nick for four years when he had passed away. We had both suffered a drug addiction at a young age. I was put away into a group home for eight months were I had then gotten clean. A lady Alice from around my old neighborhood took me in as a foster child. I started to see Nick as soon I could. He had been in several rehabs by then, and wasn't doing so good. But even then I stood by his side cause I thought that is what he would've done for me.
The sun coming into the living room windows getting brighter by the minute. Brewing coffee fills the house, the dog pawing at my leg to go have her morning pee. I let her and I fix my coffee. Sitting at the end of the couch sipping my straw. I stare at Mickey Mouse on the TV screen. In my head, I think about our day and how I have my Nephews party. Ugh I cringe at the idea of being around a whole bunch of people. I am not a happy person and it shows. I hate putting a front on but I have to. I snap back to reality, Mya is done eating we go upstairs to get ready.
When I turned eighteen I got out of CYS custody immediately. Shortly after I found out I was pregnant. I wasn't too thrilled but my family is Catholic so I did what I needed to. I choose to keep the baby, which I thank god every day for. I thought that being pregnant and on top of Nick that it would help his sobriety. Here and there I would notice that he had slipped up. This went on for my whole pregnancy. He even came back to the hospital high after I had given birth to our daughter. So we weren't seeing eye to eye for a while.
Mya and I sat down stairs, waiting for Nicole to text and tell us she was on her way. When she did she said "I’ll be there in two minutes" rushing around like a chicken without a head trying to gather last minute things. Almost tripping trying to put my shoes on, I grab Mya's jacket, scarf, and hat throw them on and rush out the door. At this point since our one way street is so busy Nicole had three cars behind her. She pulls off and has to go around the corner. I scoop Mya up to keep her warm, holding my purse, diaper bag, and the gifts. I shiver, I can see my breath in front of me. Nicole stops in front of us. I buckle Mya in and jump in the car. "FUCK its cold" I turn the heat up.
When I had Mya, Nick wasn't a very good dad and I began to question if I had made the right choice. I nursed so I spent most of time with the Mya. While he chose to run around, doing whatever. As much love I had for him and for so long I knew that this was not going to work. The six last days of his life, he tried to take Mya from me, cursed out my family, and was high as a kite. I felt sick to my stomach in his presents. The night he committed suicide I told him I was done and he couldn't see his daughter until he got clean, I do not hold that against myself I did what I had to for my daughter’s safety.
We pulled up at the party and I felt the butterflies in my stomach, I wore my daily smile and greeted with people as we walked in the door. I had to do this because I was tired of being selfish, tired of taking away from Mya's life because of my problems. I put my front on and acted like nothing was wrong with me, like I have this wonder like and I am so happy. While saying to myself "look at you" "you don't belong here, you're a miserable bitch"
Alicia Wetling
ENG 100 12:10pm
Assignment#1: Creative Nonfiction Essay
Draft #2/ Final Essay!
The bird’s twerp outside, the light beams through the tiniest crack beneath the blinds. I lay there, wrestling my thoughts "it can be morning already" "just go back to bed." My body feels like a bag of bricks, I don't want to move. My daughter lying next to me pops up, my mind screams NO! Please go back to bed! Bribing her to stay just a while longer. I hand her my phone, Caillou is faintly playing just enough for her to hear. Turning over I grab my blankets cuddling them into my chest. I know I can’t fall into a deep sleep. Which makes it that much easier.
Mya climbs over me sliding off the side of the bed. She goes over to my second plastic drawer where I keep all my nail polishes. She takes them all out and starts to play with them. I know that will keep her busy for at least ten minutes so I close my eyes again. What feels like one second later she is starts to bang on the door. I jump up go to the bathroom and splash water on my face. I Grab Mya and her teddy and go down stairs. I make Mya cereal and set her up at the T.V. With no motivation I lay down on the couch. Wanting to go back to bed. I hate how these so called "episodes" happen so often.
Almost two years ago I gave birth to my daughter Mya. Her father (Nick) and I had been together for about four years. Back when I started to date him, we at very low points in our lives. Both young, vulnerable teenagers who chose to experiment with drugs. Which instantly took over our lives. If we didn't have drugs in our system for a day, We would begin to argue, scream , and fist fight. I knew what was happening wasn't healthy but there something about doing it with him that I loved. He had all of me and he knew it. As you could imagine as time went on it became even more toxic. I was kicked out of my cousins and forced to move in with my Mom. My school had called CYS but that didn't faze us! We all knew how to front when they came ; like my mother's wasn't a party house. She had gotten locked up soon after I moved in. Nobody could nor wanted to take me this is when I became a "ward of the state."
The sun coming into the living room windows getting brighter by the minute. Brewing coffee fills the house. The dog pawing at my leg to let her out for her morning pee. I let her out then back in, I fix my coffee and sit at the end of the couch. Sipping my straw, I stare at Mickey on the TV scream. In my head I think about our day, how I have my Nephews party. Cringing at the idea of being around people. Having to put on that fake smile to fool everyone I'm happy. I snap back to reality, Mya is done eating. We go upstairs to get ready for our day.
After we had gotten dress we sat down stairs waiting for Nicole to text she was on her way. Of course she didn't she just putting "be there in two minutes." "Ugh great" I said rushing around like a chicken without a head trying to gather last minute things. Almost tripping on my face trying to put my boots in a hurry. I grab Mya's jacket, scarf, and hat throw them on and rush out the door. I scoop Mya up to keep her warm. Holding my purse, diaper bag, and gifts. I stand there and shiver I can see my breath in front of me. Nicole stops by the curb I hurry and buckle Mya in. I jump in the car, "FUCK its cold" I turn the heat up.
Soon after CYS took custody, they sent me to a Pyramid rehab and then their group home outside of Altoona. I resided there for eight long months but I met a tremendous amount of great people. I found multiple ways of coping with my past other drugs. I read NA literature every night before bed.I had finally found myself again and could feel like a normal teenager. After many home visits with my foster home, it was then approved for me to move there. Since the foster home wasn't to far from where I used to live, I immediately started seeing Nick. While I was away Nick hadn't been doing so well and had been in the same place as when I left. I chose to be by his side because I believed if the table was turned he would've for me. Still struggling here and there on Oxycodone, and barbiturates, he decided to go to Florida to rehab. A couple months after he returned I found out I was pregnant.
We pulled up at the party and I felt the butterflies in my stomach. I wore my daily smile as we walked through the door. Greeting with people as we walked through the house. I felt like all eyes were on me. I start to feel my self getting hot, knowing I'm turning red. I hurry to go sit down. Mya will not leave my side Its too early for her yet. She needs to warm up to the new environment. Thank god because having here with me helps me to not feel as awkward. Everyone tires talking to her and she just shakes her head holding me tighter.
Mya eventually leaves me to go play with the kids. I sit on my phone to ignore conversations. Its time to sing to my nephew Kevin, the lights get turned out. The five blue candles flicker as the cake is brought in front of him. Everyone sings the happy birthday song. My voice is low as I sing it to Mya whose on my hip. I look at my nephew at how innocence and happy he is. Hes so excited to blow out the candles and make a wish. I think to myself take me back, take me back to when things were just simple.
After finding out about about the pregnancy I though I wasn't ready. But being catholic abortion was out of the picture. After the joy of telling everyone, who had though it wasn't the greatest idea. I felt relieved that it was out in the open. Also I had just turned eighteen so I was signed out of CYS custody. I moved into my grandmothers so I could register for my 12th year of High school. The next nine months I had moved in Nicks, attended school, and cooked meals every night. I grew even more as a person and a soon to be mother. Nick had began to have these episodes of outrage and then be fine a short period after. He denied help and said that he was fine. Soon after the baby was born and he went off the deep end. He was not there for his family and chose to run around town selling drugs. Since he could barely keep his eyes open most of the time. I started to look at him in disgusted and wondered if I had made the right choice. I then denied him from seeing the baby until he got help. He said he was going back to rehab and never did. One day later I had gotten a call that Nick had passed away, he had committed suicide. I was shocked, broken, in denial. I couldn't believe this was happening to me. I loved him and I needed him to just get better for us. Many people do think that I blame myself. Which is not true today. I know now that I did what was best for our daughter ; He just wasn't in a safe place. So My life went on as most do, and I started Nursing school. I became very unhappy and dropped out. I decided to finally go to a psychiatrist where, I was diagnosed with bipolar and depression that I have been battling ever since.
Now it is time to open Kevin's presents I sit back. Kevin picks a present one at a time, people letting him know when he has grabbed theirs. As he shows his toys, everyone says "WOW" "that's neat" Laughing having a good time, I envy them all. I wish it wasn't such a struggle to feel that way. I look at Mya playing with the other toddler, I say to myself "I do it all for her."
ENG 100 12:10pm
Assignment#1: Creative Nonfiction Essay
Draft #2/ Final Essay!
The bird’s twerp outside, the light beams through the tiniest crack beneath the blinds. I lay there, wrestling my thoughts "it can be morning already" "just go back to bed." My body feels like a bag of bricks, I don't want to move. My daughter lying next to me pops up, my mind screams NO! Please go back to bed! Bribing her to stay just a while longer. I hand her my phone, Caillou is faintly playing just enough for her to hear. Turning over I grab my blankets cuddling them into my chest. I know I can’t fall into a deep sleep. Which makes it that much easier.
Mya climbs over me sliding off the side of the bed. She goes over to my second plastic drawer where I keep all my nail polishes. She takes them all out and starts to play with them. I know that will keep her busy for at least ten minutes so I close my eyes again. What feels like one second later she is starts to bang on the door. I jump up go to the bathroom and splash water on my face. I Grab Mya and her teddy and go down stairs. I make Mya cereal and set her up at the T.V. With no motivation I lay down on the couch. Wanting to go back to bed. I hate how these so called "episodes" happen so often.
Almost two years ago I gave birth to my daughter Mya. Her father (Nick) and I had been together for about four years. Back when I started to date him, we at very low points in our lives. Both young, vulnerable teenagers who chose to experiment with drugs. Which instantly took over our lives. If we didn't have drugs in our system for a day, We would begin to argue, scream , and fist fight. I knew what was happening wasn't healthy but there something about doing it with him that I loved. He had all of me and he knew it. As you could imagine as time went on it became even more toxic. I was kicked out of my cousins and forced to move in with my Mom. My school had called CYS but that didn't faze us! We all knew how to front when they came ; like my mother's wasn't a party house. She had gotten locked up soon after I moved in. Nobody could nor wanted to take me this is when I became a "ward of the state."
The sun coming into the living room windows getting brighter by the minute. Brewing coffee fills the house. The dog pawing at my leg to let her out for her morning pee. I let her out then back in, I fix my coffee and sit at the end of the couch. Sipping my straw, I stare at Mickey on the TV scream. In my head I think about our day, how I have my Nephews party. Cringing at the idea of being around people. Having to put on that fake smile to fool everyone I'm happy. I snap back to reality, Mya is done eating. We go upstairs to get ready for our day.
After we had gotten dress we sat down stairs waiting for Nicole to text she was on her way. Of course she didn't she just putting "be there in two minutes." "Ugh great" I said rushing around like a chicken without a head trying to gather last minute things. Almost tripping on my face trying to put my boots in a hurry. I grab Mya's jacket, scarf, and hat throw them on and rush out the door. I scoop Mya up to keep her warm. Holding my purse, diaper bag, and gifts. I stand there and shiver I can see my breath in front of me. Nicole stops by the curb I hurry and buckle Mya in. I jump in the car, "FUCK its cold" I turn the heat up.
Soon after CYS took custody, they sent me to a Pyramid rehab and then their group home outside of Altoona. I resided there for eight long months but I met a tremendous amount of great people. I found multiple ways of coping with my past other drugs. I read NA literature every night before bed.I had finally found myself again and could feel like a normal teenager. After many home visits with my foster home, it was then approved for me to move there. Since the foster home wasn't to far from where I used to live, I immediately started seeing Nick. While I was away Nick hadn't been doing so well and had been in the same place as when I left. I chose to be by his side because I believed if the table was turned he would've for me. Still struggling here and there on Oxycodone, and barbiturates, he decided to go to Florida to rehab. A couple months after he returned I found out I was pregnant.
We pulled up at the party and I felt the butterflies in my stomach. I wore my daily smile as we walked through the door. Greeting with people as we walked through the house. I felt like all eyes were on me. I start to feel my self getting hot, knowing I'm turning red. I hurry to go sit down. Mya will not leave my side Its too early for her yet. She needs to warm up to the new environment. Thank god because having here with me helps me to not feel as awkward. Everyone tires talking to her and she just shakes her head holding me tighter.
Mya eventually leaves me to go play with the kids. I sit on my phone to ignore conversations. Its time to sing to my nephew Kevin, the lights get turned out. The five blue candles flicker as the cake is brought in front of him. Everyone sings the happy birthday song. My voice is low as I sing it to Mya whose on my hip. I look at my nephew at how innocence and happy he is. Hes so excited to blow out the candles and make a wish. I think to myself take me back, take me back to when things were just simple.
After finding out about about the pregnancy I though I wasn't ready. But being catholic abortion was out of the picture. After the joy of telling everyone, who had though it wasn't the greatest idea. I felt relieved that it was out in the open. Also I had just turned eighteen so I was signed out of CYS custody. I moved into my grandmothers so I could register for my 12th year of High school. The next nine months I had moved in Nicks, attended school, and cooked meals every night. I grew even more as a person and a soon to be mother. Nick had began to have these episodes of outrage and then be fine a short period after. He denied help and said that he was fine. Soon after the baby was born and he went off the deep end. He was not there for his family and chose to run around town selling drugs. Since he could barely keep his eyes open most of the time. I started to look at him in disgusted and wondered if I had made the right choice. I then denied him from seeing the baby until he got help. He said he was going back to rehab and never did. One day later I had gotten a call that Nick had passed away, he had committed suicide. I was shocked, broken, in denial. I couldn't believe this was happening to me. I loved him and I needed him to just get better for us. Many people do think that I blame myself. Which is not true today. I know now that I did what was best for our daughter ; He just wasn't in a safe place. So My life went on as most do, and I started Nursing school. I became very unhappy and dropped out. I decided to finally go to a psychiatrist where, I was diagnosed with bipolar and depression that I have been battling ever since.
Now it is time to open Kevin's presents I sit back. Kevin picks a present one at a time, people letting him know when he has grabbed theirs. As he shows his toys, everyone says "WOW" "that's neat" Laughing having a good time, I envy them all. I wish it wasn't such a struggle to feel that way. I look at Mya playing with the other toddler, I say to myself "I do it all for her."